did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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