Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god it's open bar.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
