What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
