just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
