i just wanna soil my oats bro
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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