dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
