You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
