I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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