Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
