I feel like I'm in dance class right now
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
