remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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