And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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