I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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