Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
