I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
