Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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