Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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