worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
