the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
