She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Watching her eat just hurts me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
