My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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