Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
