9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
