I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
