My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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