We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize