This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
