i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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