fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
