Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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