don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
