Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Im part way to drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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