i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
