i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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