Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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