he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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