My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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