mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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