so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
