she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
