3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
