We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
