God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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