we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
