His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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