I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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