I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
