So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
