help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
