im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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