the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
