woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
