can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
