I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
