i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize