Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
