Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
