i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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