do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
