dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
