The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
