You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
