just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
